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Wednesday, 18 May 2011

War is costly. Peace is priceless

So, here i am, back at work. Sitting in my chair sandwiched between Nicola and Uzma. This seems to be reminiscent of my days in Clearing 2010 (see my first blog) and that didn’t work out too well for me (again see my first blog).
Anyways, Turns out I have made a slight logistical error in my previous blogs. Turns out, Uzma’s christening that she has to go to is not this week, but is actually at the end of the month.  In light of this recent evidence, there will be an update on that next month sometime.
I have decided that my skills as a dessert chef are causing me more problems than it would have fixed. If you will recall, just before Christmas, Nicola mentioned (to my indignation) that she had never tried a cheesecake before. I then very kindly made her one. Having seen this (and eaten Tiffany’s & Uzma‘s original cheesecake) Uzma also wanted. Now, both these women have been harassing me about making more. Something that I am not really prepared to do as i feel that it will cheapen the value of my cheesecake. I am glad that they liked it, but not happy about having to make it every other week. I came up with an ingenious plan, however and told them that Uzma can have a cheesecake and while she wants one, Nicola can’t have one. Uzma is not allowed to share either Similarly, the opposite would also be true, while Nicola wants one, Uzma can’t have one. This last statement actually drew some evil looks from Uzma!
Recently Nicola asked me why do I keep writing about others in my blog. Well Nicola, I keep writing about you in my blogs for sheer entertainment value. You make me laugh with the things you get up to and things that happen to you ... like forgetting how to spell your own name! I have decided that (this week at least) I will not be annoying Nicola. She has an exam tomorrow and is busy trying to revise (in between phone calls). Speaking of exams, I’d like to wish all those sitting them, the best of luck!
Anywhose ... so it turns out my last blog entry went down pretty well. As it happens, a number of people wrote along similar lines, some more controversial than others but hey, that’s life. Speaking of controversial, did anyone notice how the Queen (in her yellow attire) at the wedding looked like another someone famed for his yellow clothing? I can’t say for sure, but have we been duped yet again??? 
Its been an interesting week thus far. Apparently there was a bomb threat in London this week. Something to do with the IRA, no doubt set to coincide with the Queens visit to Ireland this week. She is the first British monarch to visit the country since independence. Although having said that, she is the ONLY British monarch since independence.  I must say, though, it was rather nice of them to call and let us know what they were planning rather than just blowing us up without any warning as others have done in the past.
In other news, MG are back!! At some time today, they will be unveiling their first car in 16 years at the Longbridge Plant in Birmingham.  MG, now owned by Chinese car company Shanghai Automotive Industry Corporation, has said the new 1.8-litre MG6 will complete with the likes of the Volkswagen Golf and Ford Focus when goes on general sale.  Prices for the new four-door vehicle are expected to start around £15,500 and rise to £19,000. Slightly out of my price range at the moment, but who knows ... let’s see what Clarkson has to say about it when the new series of Top Gear returns. He may well agree with the view of the Shanghai guys, as they have so eloquently described their new car in these images. One thing is for sure, The MG badge is definitely back and not going anywhere ... for now at least.
In other news, having perused the usual stack of websites, I came across a hat on the eBay that is currently the subject of an (increasing) £18,000 bid. In this day and age, with the economy being the way it is, do people really have this kind of money to spend ... on a hat ... and one that they will most probably never wear at any point in their lives??? Fair enough, the proceeds from this hat will go to charities, but it’s still a hat that is being bid on for this ridiculous amount and to be perfectly honest, I don’t see what is so special about it that warrants such a price tag. This hat isn’t even anything special to look at. I mean, it looks like some kind of weird turkey – twizzler – toilet seat pretzel thing!
Speaking of hats, what’s up with Tara Palmer-Tomkinson??? Didn’t she have some sort of a drug problem where her nose was all squished and bent up because she had been snorting cocaine (I originally typed c**k! Thank god for the little green line highlighting grammatical errors). Why would someone first of all take the drug, then after their nose is messed up from doing so, cover up the nose then turn up at a major event, one that is being broadcast around the whole world, wearing a bright blue (extremely noticeable hat) that actually points to the offending nose, thus attracting the world’s attention towards it!
Till next time...

(The opinions expressed here are the views of the writer and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the University of Greenwich - Ed.)

Wednesday, 4 May 2011

If Carlsberg did weekends ...


If Carlsberg did weekends ...
First things first ... and due to the nature of the content of this edition I need to put this at the beginning  ... the standard disclaimer ... (followed by another one at the end)
(The opinions expressed here are the views of the writer and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the University of Greenwich - Ed.)
Secondly, Congratulations to Prince William and Kate (or Catherine as I believe she is now to be called). I hope they have along and wonderful life together.
Thirdly ... to quote Franklin Roosevelt, Sunday, May 1st , 2011 - a date which will live in infamy - the President of the United States of America announced that Public Enemy (not the rap dudes) #1  - Mr O.B.Laden has been (apparently) killed. Speaking of Osama, has anyone noticed his name is an anagram for “Bold, mean, Asian” or “Semi-old banana” He does look like one in this picture taken of him a couple years ago. Speaking of people that look like bananas, is it just me, or has anyone else noticed something rather interesting about Rihanna’s new “red hair” look.  I think she distinctly looks like one Mr Sideshow Bob. I shall throw it out to you to decide ...  I think the likeness is uncanny! The mastermind that is Bob has bested us and been posing as Rihanna.
Anyways, I digress ... Back to Osama. So apparently the Americans have finally found and subsequently killed the man. The mission was completed by a small group of soldiers. Apparently they were soldiers of fortune, and in a situation where no one else could help, if you could find them (and Obama did), you could hire ...  sounds too good to be true. Maybe Hollywood could follow tradition and make a movie about a crack commando unit that (for dramatic purposes) were sent to a military court for a crime they didn’t commit. These people would then escape from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. I don’t know ... its just an idea. I know I would go and see that film! Speaking of films, this past weekend has been just like a Disney movie – A girl married a Prince, the bad-ass villain was killed and no one saw a dead body!
In other news, I am somewhat concerned about the Pakistani authorities. I heard that they were planning to employ this commando unit to help them find their lips and chins. Apparently they have been hiding under their noses the whole time. Although having said that, I am also not too sure about the capabilities of the American Central Intelligence Agency. Over the past ten years they have spent billions of their dollars, lost thousands of lives and where did they find the man??? At home!!! Kind of ironic really! So much for the Central INTELLIGENCE Agency.
In other news, Uzma was due to attend a christening (for which she purchased a new dress – see “Bread not Bombs, We knead the dough” ). She is not in and therefore no update on how that worked out. Apparently she was really excited about a new hat she had recently bought. When I see her I shall enquire about that.

Now that the Easter holiday is over, we are back to the normal functioning of the Enquiry Unit. Nicola now sits to my left. (we have moved to the other side of the corner of the office in which we sit) and has decided to attempt to annoy me (its not working). Apparently her mate whose name is Kevin, was out with the lads in central London, where he managed to hook up with what he thought was a rather attractive young lady. Well, he got 2/3. She was attractive and young ... I chose the picture of the blonde, but have just been informed by Nicola that the person in question actually looked more like the lovely brunette to her right. So he in fact got 0/3. This person was not attractive, young or in fact (as Kevin will attest to) a woman! It was rather amusing and caused Nicola to laugh more than she has ever done. This would explain the erratic driving skills! Speaking of which, last week she showed me some of her seen exam questions ...  I will share the most amusing ones with you.
1.    With reference to theories and empirical evidence, consider and discuss the attentional  processes that are involved while driving a car. (This question specifically relates to the most dangerous person on the road – Miss Nicola A. O.)
2.    How irrational are irrational beliefs?
3.    Women have higher rates of mental disorders than men. Why might this be so?
Disclaimer
This is a personal weblog. The opinions expressed here represent my own and not those of my employer or the University of Greenwich, or anyone associated with either.
In addition, my thoughts and opinions change from time to time…I consider this a necessary consequence of having an open mind. This weblog is intended to provide a semi-permanent point in time snapshot and manifestation of the various memes running around my brain, and as such any thoughts and opinions expressed within out-of-date posts may not the same, nor even similar, to those I may hold today. Having said that, If I say something stupid in the future, it’s better to be able to point out that the stupidity is mine, and mine alone. My stupidity! You can’t have it! :)
If you still are not happy, then feel free to challenge me, disagree with me, or tell me I’m completely nuts in the comments section of each blog entry, but I reserve the right to delete any comment for any reason whatsoever (abusive, profane, rude, or anonymous comments) – so keep it polite, please.
While every caution has been taken to provide my readers with most accurate information and honest analysis, please use your discretion before taking any decisions based on the information in this blog. Author will not compensate you in any way whatsoever if you ever happen to suffer a loss/inconvenience/damage because of/while making use of information in this blog.
In closing I just want to mention, It is not my intention to offend anyone and if any offence has been or may be caused by any future blogs, I apologise for that now.  I’m a human being and my blogs reflect that humanity.” I err therefore I’m human”
Have a nice day!
J